Trip to India
This is a normal thing but every time I am planning to go back to India, there is months of excitement and right before I am going to leave, there is a weird feeling. I feel like, I don't want to go. No idea why I have this feeling but I sometimes feel I don't fit there anymore like I am lost.
I feel that once I land there too. I feel like I want to go back. I miss my house, my things and my loneliness. Its weird but I crave for the people in India all the time and once they are around me, all I want is my peace and quite. Also, my bed which I will miss for a month when I am sleeping on the couch in the living room because I have no room anymore. More importantly, I will miss my privacy because everyone needs to know where I am going, what I am eating and who I am talking to.I am definitely not looking forward to that.
It is a weird feeling but home there does not feel like home anymore. It has changed so much and people have changed and more importantly I have changed. So when people expect to behave in a certain way or they behave in a certain way and I don't respond, I feel like I am letting them down. I feel like they had all this excitement about seeing me and being with me and my blaah attitude is letting them down. I am just scared. Scared of going back and realising I don't fit there, I don't have a place I can call home.
Man, I can't believe that I could actually write this especially since I have been counting days since 3 months. I guess this place just brings you down and beats all the joy out of you because otherwise I should be jumping around since I have just a week to go home. I think I need that vacation more then anything to get my sanity back. I know I am going to love and not want to go back because there is no way a stupid bed or empty house can replace my awesome family or friends back home who care for me and will love me unconditionally. Yeah now I am getting in the spirit. It is time I start packing those bags and start feeling the rush of excitement to GO HOME. :)
It is a weird feeling but home there does not feel like home anymore. It has changed so much and people have changed and more importantly I have changed. So when people expect to behave in a certain way or they behave in a certain way and I don't respond, I feel like I am letting them down. I feel like they had all this excitement about seeing me and being with me and my blaah attitude is letting them down. I am just scared. Scared of going back and realising I don't fit there, I don't have a place I can call home.
Man, I can't believe that I could actually write this especially since I have been counting days since 3 months. I guess this place just brings you down and beats all the joy out of you because otherwise I should be jumping around since I have just a week to go home. I think I need that vacation more then anything to get my sanity back. I know I am going to love and not want to go back because there is no way a stupid bed or empty house can replace my awesome family or friends back home who care for me and will love me unconditionally. Yeah now I am getting in the spirit. It is time I start packing those bags and start feeling the rush of excitement to GO HOME. :)
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