Midnight Ponderings

I don't know why this happens, but many times when I'm in bed, my mind starts going a million miles an hour. My body is exhausted to the limit that I can't move but my mind seems to have gained all the energy and has all the gears in motion.

This is probably the time when I think about the most complex problems, or in my case random nonsense that plagues my life.

One of the things that has been bothering me for various reasons is about the constant struggle between who we are and what the world wants us to be. Also who we are and want we want to be.I think there is continuous struggle in our head to validate ourselves in front of ourselves and others, but at what cost? The constant thoughts floating through your head gnaw at you and make you an inherently unhappy person. For some reason we are bound to this world and a certain mindset that exists in it and so try to fit every action of ours in that particular box. It recently dawned on me that it does not matter if I fit inside or outside the box, as far as I think I am Ok, nothing else matters.

Obviously even though I had the revelation I am still not a happy camper and still have a number of questions in my head like what is our main purpose in life. I don't mean career wise but I mean just as people. What was I born to do on earth and finally at the end of the day what really matters. I think being happy really matters. It does not make a difference if you make a lot of money or get admission in the best business school, because if at the end of the day you still come home and cry yourself to sleep then there is a really important factor missing. That factor is the smile on your face. If something stresses you out then its not worth it, be it a relationship, an exam or just a friendship. Anything that is holding you back from being happy needs to be let go. I think what I am going to do, is if something makes me not want to get out of bed and stay under the covers, I am not going to think about it.

To tell you the truth to stop thinking about something does not make it go away. A destroyed friendship , a huge exam are still going to be the thorns in your side because life is not as simple as the lines I put down. Life is a bunch of what ifs and what nots and it does not always go the way you plan it. Personally I think we should just stop planning our lives and go with the flow accepting whatever it throws at us because if you don't expect a lot from it whatever it gives you is going to make you happy. So if your job sucks but you did not expect something better, well there you go and if you thought a relationship would work and it didn't, well there will be other guys. Life goes on and we should enjoy whatever it throws at us.